“Young nations usually achieve through imitation,
rather than through systematic examination.”
Dobri Voynikov – “Misunderstood civilization"
This whole story started when a second-hand food shop was opened at the opposite of our block. It was big and shiny, it stands were spread out on five floors. To be in tune with what was sold in it, the shop was built entirely from recycled construction materials, imported from England, France, Germany and other member states of the European Union. The biggest pride of its builders and architects was the roof, which had been used to adorn some building in the American city of New Orleans but then it got blown away by Hurricane Katrina.
The shop offered a variety of second-hand food. Huge billboards and television screens were depicting the advantages of this type of meal. One of the monitors was showing non-stop, i.e. without interruption, a cute thin middle-aged blonde who was explaining how she melted more than 18 extra kilos using only second-hand food. With tears in her eyes she demonstrated that she can wear out her daughter’s jeans. They were also second-hand, bought years ago in a clothing store in Europe.
On another screen an eminent professor with horn-rimmed glasses, bald pate and white medical coat was showing some colorful charts. The scientist explained dignifiedly how second-hand food is absorbed by human body, decreasing the work of the gastrointestinal tract with 80 percent. The professor explained people using this type of food don’t suffer from gastrointestinal disorders, don’t get constipation, and most importantly – don’t accumulate any toxins. And all that thanks to a single reason - food had been already processed by the enzymes produced by the human body.
Each of the many types of recycled food was accompanied by a detailed certificate. For example, you can buy food with the taste of bacon, cheese and even homemade moussaka. On the first floor food was grouped by taste. At one of the stands deliciously painted and still steaming juicy steaks and baked sausages were making it clear that this food has the taste of different kinds of meat and meat products. The neighbouring stand had a still life of peaches, apricots, cherries and grapes, so a hesitating customer would understand that tastes of different fruit were given to this second-hand food. Further, there were stands for food with taste of vegetables, confectionery, etc.
There were smiling young girls everywhere dressed in uniforms of the shop, they were handing out leaflets which explained in detail that the proposed foods are fortified with all the minerals needed by the human organism and other substances, plus a range of vitamins.
The upper floors of the shop were designed to satisfy the most sophisticated and almost perverse tastes of all chefs and gourmets. The prices were not as attractive as the prices downstairs, so the clientele was less, but more selected. For example here you could buy food that had been used by blondes from Sweden. Or you can buy beer that had already been drunk by Jaroslav Hasek in the prominent restaurant where he wrote his tales of the good soldier Sveik. There’s no need to tell you what was the price of that beer. Most of the connoisseurs could only stare at it with moist eyes while they were swallowing thirstily.
In the store they also sold orange juice made from freshly squeezed fruit. That juice had been drunk personally by famous movie actresses and supermodels. Crowds of groaning high school girls were gravitating around these stands whereafter they were leaving with the excuse that they find it difficult to choose something among this variety of goods. Well, there were female clients who were buying - they were usually accompanied by some big boys with thick necks and chains on their wrists. They were ordering so much so they were always provoking other visitor’s natural envy.
Naturally the new shop became a hit in a few days. Cars from other town began stopping by outside of it. More and more frequently one could see luxury vehicles with Sofia, Plovdiv and Varna registration numbers.
The neighbourhood definitely got enlivened by this new acquisition. In order to attract customers the owners of the shop resurfaced streets, changed the paving stones of the sidewalk and changed the street lamps. As you maybe have already guessed all materials were also second-hand.
One of my neighbours had been trying to sell his apartment for years because he had another one in the centre. He got nowhere since house prices in this forgotten neighborhood were ridiculous. But now with only one ad in the newspaper the man sold it for such an amount of money he could never dream of. The ad was simple and succinct: ‘Apartment for sale opposite to the entrance of the second-hand food store.’
The new second-hand shop gradually took over the town. One by one ordinary grocery stores closed doors because they had lost all their customers. Even popular fast-food restaurants collapsed. Not to mention the beer and grill restaurant which was located right next to the second-hand food shop. It could not endure even a week after the new trade boom.
After this unprecedented interest the shop began to establish branches in other towns. Second-hand food became number one conversation topic. If two housewife friends had a meeting in the evening they we’re no longer exchanging home remedies, now they were talking about what kind of food they had bought at the last mass sellout or what they had won from the lottery of the shop.
The theme became dominant also in the media. Newspapers and magazines had whole pages filled with doctors, professors and ordinary people who commented the advantages of second-hand food. Radio stations and TV channels counted in too. They were broadcasting discussions dedicated to the advantages of the new revolutionary type of meal. Observers described history of second-hand products: at first the early modest shops which had been selling clothes per kilogram and shoes for a lev and the current super luxurious second-hand shops.
A year after quite naturally the second-hand food boom began to come down a little, then, there were the first restaurant chains for second-hand food which caused the final failure of traditional eateries. Old friends were not go out for a beer and little kebaps after work anymore, now they were having consumed in Prague beer and eaten somewhere in Bavaria sausages. Of course you can order sausages which were eaten at a specific place and by specific celebrities but this pleasure was very expensive. Well, some folks could afford it, they were ordering out loud so that everyone in the club can hear them and hopefully die of envy.
Expectedly all this hysteria about second-hand feeding attracted even politicians. Some of the more prescient immediately concluded that the introduction of second-hand foods can certainly be seen as a natural and entirely logical part of our accession in the European Union. However, over 90 percent of imported second-hand food products were from member states of the EU. People were listening to these conclusions and most of them felt like citizens of Europe and the world a little more than before the era of second-hand food. This in turn increased the turnovers of second-hand stores and restaurants.
Second-hand shops for clothing and items were experiencing a second boom. People now wanted everything that is, on and around them, to be already used by Europeans. Because that meant a lot of good things simultaneously: it meant quality tested in life, it meant prestige, it meant self-esteem, it got our people and those living in the Western countries almost equalized. Besides, many Westerners also wore second-hand clothes.
This idyll lasted until the day when one of the yellow journals in town made a series of sensational revelations that rocked the foundations of the town and the entire country. Everything started with a readers’ complaints that the recycled paper that was used for printing the newspaper smelled like feces, not some European feces but quite local shit. One of the boldest newspapers got into this case and did a full investigation as it was fully supported by the owners of the edition.
The paper’s first disclosure was mildly shocking. It turned out the paper was actually recycled, but it wasn’t ‘old prestigious European editions’ paper as its issued by a local second-hand corporation certificate said. The raw material was used toilet paper. Then it turned out the toilet paper wasn’t even European, it was from our town.
But the reporter of the newspaper didn’t stop there. He found out there were other unknown people behind the owners of the second-hand products corporation, which was in possession of all the recycled food shops and restaurants. These real shadow owners also possessed the holding company which had concessioned all public toilets a couple of years ago and had privatized the waste water treatment plant. "It is true that the toilets were repaired and made according to the European requirements but it is also true that over 90 percent of goods sold in shops and restaurants of the corporation are not originating from Europe, they come from the town sewer system." – said the newspaper.
It’s not necessary to tell you what happened then in our city. The fancy shops and restaurants went bankrupt in a few days and were sold to creditor banks. The owners sank deeper than the sewerage which made them rich. Good old grocery stores started to sprout around town and people continued having local beer and little kebaps.
But people were so ashamed of what they had had consumed that most of them were avoiding their ex-favorite second-hand food theme. Their pride didn’t allow them to admit that all they had become second-people since a long time ago. But they had to do it. At least for their children’s sake...
Iskra Borsova, translated